1. Not making things easy for me, are you? This one is a no, because it’s a format and age range that feel incompatible to me. It might work younger, with illustrations, in which case it would need to be shorter.
2. An adult police thriller. An easy no.
3. The query for the next one emphasized plot over the hook — not necessarily a bad thing, but in this case I felt like I had been told the entire story of the book, and didn’t need to read it for myself.
4. This next one felt rather amateurish to me — in that the author clearly loves what he’s writing, but isn’t going about things in the most professional way. The format, the sample, the letter: each felt a little off, a little not-ready-for-submission.
5. An interesting idea, but without any sample pages, all I have to go on for writing style is the query letter itself, and the voice there takes a backseat to the concept.

6. The writing in this one just isn’t polished enough.
7. Another in a long series of fantasy novels featuring the one outsider who can save the world. Opening pages, setting up character’s boredom, unfortunately cause that effect on the reader.
8. Not sure what gave the author of this next one the idea his book was middle grade, but it’s not. Also, authors, when you compare your book to my clients’ titles, are you condescending to them? Not a good idea.
9. Some interesting bits in this next one, but I wasn’t drawn in by the writing.
10. Well written, but more on the side of epic or traditional fantasy than is my preference to represent.

11. This next one was a tough decision. Strong writing, but it includes a paranormal element that I think might take away from the driving plot. For me, if I have doubts, that’s unlikely to turn into a yes, so I say no early (and hopefully less painfully).
12. Conceptually similar to a title I already represent, and I didn’t feel the characters were strong enough to stand on their own.
13. A non fiction query that might fit my interest in pop culture, but feels more sociological than pop. Beyond that, the voice is offputting to me.
14. Paranormal romance that doesn’t feel big enough for me — I like reading category romance, but it’s not what I want to represent. There’s a reason I don’t list “romance” on my submission interests and it’s useful for you to know, as authors, that that may mean I don’t have any contacts with editors in that world. Is that what you want from an agent?
15. MG fantasy that makes me rethink my stated interest in “quirky.” To me, “quirky” does not mean deliberate misspellings, excessive use of exclamation marks, and an overabundance of puns. And yet, many authors seem to think that’s what I mean.

16. Another novel more romance than mainstream women’s fiction, with some interesting literary allusions, but just not for me.
17. Traditional fantasy, well-written, from an author with nice credentials, but better for one of my colleagues that specializes in adult fantasy.
18. Adult literary novel with recent-historical social commentary. I’ve lost count of the ways this is wrong for me.
19. While I recognize a market for it, I’m not interested in YA or MG nonfiction.
20. Another adult thriller. Another easy no.

21. A YA mystery, but I’m overwhelmed and lost in the plot description included in the query, and the voice of the main character/narrator doesn’t appeal to me.
22. YA paranormal, but the writing feels too unpolished, and the synopsis has a squick-inducing plot that’s hard to get over.
23. A memoir, which might work for YA or MG, but the writing doesn’t appeal to me.
24. Chick lit, where I wished for more about the character before getting into a traditional everything-goes-wrong-before-it-goes-right plot.
25. Another category romance. Also, a note: there is no need for images in your emails to me. My mail program interprets them as attachments, and attachments may get your query deleted unread. Do yourself a favor and don’t risk it. No images. There’s no need.

On that note, I’m taking a break for lunch. More later!
And… we’re back!

26. Overly long women’s fiction with a story that just doesn’t draw me in. And by overly long, I’m talking over 200,000 words. May I direct you to this post by Moonrat which explains why we have general “no longer than” cut-offs for books?
27. An “unconventional” submission that gets a very conventional “no thank you.” Completely out of my stated interests.
28. As #26 was too long, #28 here is too short — the word count and voice are more appropriate for an early chapter book than a middle grade novel, which is fine, but not for me.
29. Women’s fiction with another girl-loses-everything-in-order-to-find-herself-and-love type of plots. May be great, but just didn’t draw me in.
30. A middle grade novel from a previously published author that feels a little too issue-driven (or rather, Important Theme-y) for me.

31. So you know how yesterday I said I was getting tired of paranormals with the same old vampires, werewolves, fairies, ghosts, and guardian angels? This is an angel book.
32. Adult novel on the literary side. Wrong for me.
33. Oh good, I was worried I wouldn’t have a chance to repeat one of my favorite comments: if I can play your novel as a D&D campaign, it’s not for me.
34. The idea that a novel written by a teenager represents a special closeness to the teen experience is nice, but it has to stand up against the writing quality of those who have spent years perfecting their craft.
35. My first request of the day! A middle grade novel that wasn’t immediately hook-y, but where the writing drew me in with the compelling voice of the main character. I’m curious enough about her to want to read what happens next.

36. To continue on with my thought from #34, a young writer’s book that isn’t about a young protagonist, without that “teen experience” as a selling point, is even harder to place. It’s all about the writing!
37. Another request! A YA high-tech thriller. Really curious to see what happens next.
38. Sigh. Why so much raping, authors? A dark adult novel with a paranormal aspect. I just don’t want to read more after a serious downer of an opening.
39. I think fellow Colorado lit agent Rachelle Gardner said something similar recently, but no, living in a small town does not give you a unique ability to write about small town life. Also, I’m wary of middle grade novels set in what appears to be the author’s own childhood — they often lack appeal for contemporary children.
40. Vampires. Why did it have to be vampires? And witches, and civil war, and I think I’ve seen this before.

41. I’ve said this before, too. Don’t query in the voice of your characters. Particularly when they’re dead things. It’s kinda creepy.
42. This one was a close one, but again, I tend to err on the side of saying no. Compelling idea, but it’s one that I feel has been done before, and I don’t know if the heroine’s voice is unique enough.
43. Without actually saying the word “superhero,” that’s what this feels like to me — an origin story. I already have two superhero novels on my list, so that’s enough for me.
44. Three! My third request — this one a YA crime novel that might fulfill that Veronica Mars yen I spoke about yesterday.
45. An unpersonalized email send to me via bcc. about the author’s self-published book. You may be seeking representation, but this comes across as unwelcome promotion, and is not for me.

Ok, this next one doesn’t earn a number. But emailing me that it’s too much work to include your first three pages in an email and that if I won’t take an attachment or snail mail means you won’t query me — well, is “good riddance” too harsh?

46. A little confusing. This one feels familiar, but I can’t find a record of it in my archives. So this could be either of two things: I saw it before and already made a decision, which I will stick to; or it’s familiar because it’s a lot like something I’ve already seen, which doesn’t speak well to originality and newness, as editors would see it. The lesson from this: if you’re resubmitting, TELL ME. If it’s a revision that you think would change my mind, make that clear (even though I don’t usually change my mind about revisions).
47. Memoir, without the pop culture aspect that would turn it into something I’m interested in representing.

Going to take a break now. Nowhere near the over 100 I had to look at, but with three requests, I consider it a fairly good day. Any questions, sing out in the comments.

Honestly, I debated whether or not to participate this time. I have a sizable stack of queries to get to, so the timing is right (sheer percentages indicate that the more queries I have to look at, the more likely some of them will be far off-base or otherwise lessons for others), but that also means a lot of work I should be doing instead of tweeting. There’s also the fear of yet another AgentFail backlash, but I have no control over that. The most I can do — and what I will be doing — is to take my liveblog of my queries to Twitter.

Now, those of you who follow me already will be pleased to know I’m not going to tweet EVERY SINGLE QUERY. Why? A) it takes a lot of time, and not every query is going to give me something useful to say that would help others improve their own query. B) it gets annoying to followers to see a stream of tweets filling up your homepage when you’re probably also trying to stay in touch with family, friends, and other people.

As per Colleen’s rules for the day, I’m also going to be answering questions about publishing — both those sent directly to me at @DaphneUn, and those posted to any agents participating in #queryday.

So strap in for some educational posting (with a small side of snark), and let’s go!

Which I’m truly sorry about, what with Maureen Johnson’s “Blog Every Day in April” initiative, at which I ALREADY failed! But unlike some authors who need to create an internet phenomenon just to keep them blogging, I already try to blog every day (well, every work day), and feel bad when I don’t.

If it’s a consolation, I had some brilliant things I was going to blog about, like a wonderful book I read on the flight home to Denver (which I will pull out in a Recent Reads post following this one), some of the hilarious posts Tor.com threw up for April Fools Day, and #agentfail, which others have already discussed in more detail. Given Elana’s reaction, and others that I’ve heard, I’m not going to sit and read the full comment thread on the original post. I know I do my best every day to be the best agent I can be, knowing that that “best” isn’t going to be right for every author. And honestly, I’m fine with that.

And how could I have let the pub day of Band Geeked Out slip by! What if Josie Bloss got another tattoo and I missed it?

I’d be heartbroken, that’s what.

So I just won’t let that happen again. What else have I missed while I’ve been AFK?

Now!

1. Close to the type of nonfiction I like, but I don’t get the sense from the cover letter that the writing is humorous enough for me.
2. A combo morality-and-plot-driven series for adults, that I can’t imagine where it might fit on a publisher’s list, or in a bookstore.
3. Urban fantasy for adults that has an intriguing concept, but I didn’t connect with the plot.
4. Good writing, but I wasn’t engaged by the characters. But I wouldn’t mind seeing more from the writer, and I said as much in my response.
5. Quest-based fantasy doesn’t sit well with me.

6. More high fantasy, this time for adults. Not for me.
7. YA novel of werewolves and vampires at war, with the heroine the only one who can end it. Nothing I haven’t seen before countless times.
8. Novel that feels translated, and too young. Not that there’s anything wrong with a translated novel, when it’s done well, but this is very rough.
9. Interesting idea, but I didn’t believe it was well executed. Folks, remember to check your letters for typos and other mistakes, such as “TITLE is a 76,000 word novel called TITLE”.
10. Argh! The same query sent FIVE times within two weeks. Amazingly, I already have a set response to this. It goes something like this: “I can no longer take time from authors who do track their queries to respond repeatedly to those that don’t.” This author’s email address goes on my spam list.

11. Adult literary fiction, with a thriller aspect — in either case, not my genres.
12. YA fiction with interesting bits, but just didn’t connect with me personally.
13. Another YA novel, but this felt a little too serious for me. Again, just a matter of my personal taste.
14. I’m seeing a lot of women’s fiction with a wife/mother who has a perfect life until it all goes wrong. This one doesn’t stand out for me from the pack.
15. The literary equivalent of a raunchy sex comedy movie — with heart. Not for me.

16. YA thriller that might appeal if the writing were stronger. Unfortunately, not for me.
17. A plethora of examples of what not to do, including attachments. But mostly just the wrong genre.
18. Cliche-filled YA “fiction novel.” Not to continue to harp on that phrase, but in writing, when each word you chose should be the perfect one to convey your meaning, not knowing that you’re being repetitive in adding “fiction” to the already appropriate noun “novel” speaks to a level of ability that I’m not sure will be successful in this difficult market.
19. A repeated query, but this time, the author clearly states that it is a repeat, and that he did not get a response to his earlier email. I resend my original reply.
20. Not a huge fan of the novel told only in dialogue. I think you cheat yourself out of some quality description.

21. Trying to hide your novel’s twist by spelling a character’s name backwards doesn’t speak too well of your sense of the intelligence of your readers. Or the character’s.
22. I can’t overemphasize the importance of creating characters I want to know more about from the very first page. In reading this sample, I just wasn’t draw in enough to want to read more.
23. A request! Paranormal women’s fiction with a time constraint. An interesting concept that makes me want to see more.
24. See above #14.
25. A checklist of chick lit cliches — which works for some, but doesn’t help this manuscript stand out for me.

26. Too cutesy for me.
27. A travel memoir, a genre I love to read. I’m requesting the manuscript, and hope it lives up to my expectations.
28. I think sometimes I’m a wimp, because I don’t like unduly harsh beginnings. I also worry that this manuscript focuses too much on morals and themes at the expense of story.
29. Without sample pages to assuage my concerns that this manuscript is too twee, I can only decline.
30. Character wakes up in opening line. Besides that, the writing feels very raw.

31. Reads as introspective literary fiction, rather than the more plot-driven novels I like to represent.
32. Again, genre fiction that reads like several other examples of novels in that same genre, without standing out from the pack.
33. Chick lit with cute concept, but for me, the execution lacks something. Some zing.
34. Women’s fiction that, again, emphasizes lessons and moral rather than plot.
35. A query from an author who has sent four other queries to me in the past year. Having read previous samples and declined, I’m not convinced this one will work for me either.

(Ok, time for a break. There’s packing to do! More this afternoon.)

Woot! And we’re back! Still got a bunch of stuff to do before I go, but I will do my best to get through a few more queries today and possibly tomorrow on the plane, if I can get Gmail Offline to work appropriately. Otherwise (and I will pull this out in a separate post), please consider that any queries sent between March 19th and April 1st will not be looked at until April 2nd, at the earliest. I would consider it a great kindness if you just held off on any submissions during that period, and waited until April 2nd to email them.

36. YA novel featuring a supernatural love story and a “chosen one.” Doesn’t feel original enough to me.
37. Memoir that’s not up my alley. Personal tales are all well and good, if your story is of interest to others. In this case, it’s not of interest to me, specifically.
38. A little too young for me — an early chapter book submission.
39. Possibly something I might like to read, but not represent. It’s an ever changing line. Fantasy.
40. Women’s fiction that makes me worry for the sanity of the main character. While I’ve read some fiction I’d term “uncomfortable,” like watching an episode of “The Office,” it’s not my first choice.

41. Again, a novel I would find difficult to place. Feels somewhat dated, but might work as a thriller if updated — but then, I don’t do thrillers.
42. Science fiction, where I didn’t think the writing held up against the concept.

The guidelines aren’t that hard, and they’re there for a reason–to get everything organized and read correctly. It takes, what, a minute to read them? If you can’t correctly comprehend three lines of instructions, it calls into question your ability to read analytically and to handle the many complicated negotiations that a career in writing entails. If you can’t make sense of “do not send the full manuscript unless requested,” then what are you going to do when you get your fifteen or twenty or thirty or fifty page contract? Are you just going to ignore your deadlines because “who reads e-mails with numbers in them, anyway?”

Justine Larbalestier chimes in with her thoughts on her blog (addressing a specific comment that was made about not needing to follow the rules), and GalleyCat’s Ron Hogan added a tweet as well. In addition, Editorial Anonymous shares another agent’s example of someone who clearly needed the queryfail lesson, but refuses to listen.

As for me, well, I’ve said my part in the comments as well, and because I’ve always had a great reaction to my attempts to live-blog my queries, I will continue to do so. Maybe even next week!
One final thought — was it the term “fail” that seemed objectionable? Maybe if we’d called it #querylessons, or some such…