Dear Ms. Unfeasible:

Seventeen-year-old Audrey thinks having a hooker for a mom means her life can’t get any worse. At least, until her mom is murdered and she and her sisters are sent to separate foster homes. Because being torn from her sisters and starting a new school will make her life better. Yeah. Right. To top it all off, she can’t go out with Zach now. Actually, that’s about her only break. She was only going out with the creep to piss her mother off anyway.

The bright side? Audrey’s foster brother, Caleb, isn’t too bad on the eyes and man, can he kiss good. Not that she should be kissing a boy who is supposed to be her brother, but she just can’t resist him. His lips are like crack to a junkie.

Just as Audrey falls in sync with her new life, Zach shows up, ticked that she’s ignoring him. When he starts to act a little psycho, she avoids him. Seriously. Like she has time to deal with a jerk. With the murder investigation and her little sister walking around like a glammed up version of their mom, there’s more than enough drama in her life. No need to add crazy Zach to the mix. It’s bad enough she’s creeped out at night, like someone is watching. And Audrey has no idea that she’s about to do what she’s feared all her life. Follow in her mother’s footsteps.

My Contemporary Young Adult novel, HEARTS DON’T BREAK QUIETLY, is complete at 48,000 words. Thank you for your time and attention.

RJ

First of all, GREAT opening line. Notice the word choice: not prostitute or call girl or escort, but “hooker.” That is the word choice of a 17-year-old girl incredibly pissed at her mom. And already, I know so much about her. Then we twist the knife even further – her mom is murdered and she and her sisters are sent to separate foster homes. However, I don’t know that you need the repetition in the next line of “being torn from her sisters”, or the casual “Yeah. Right.” The words don’t add much to the impression I have already formed of Audrey. And I think the next couple of sentences, starting with “To top it all off,” really reduce the tension.

I’ll be frank — I kinda hate the next paragraph. I have no problem with your introducing a new love interest to move the story along, but I sort of cringe at “man, can he kiss good.” I also wonder about your assertion that Caleb is “supposed to be her brother.” To me, that seems like accepting her new circumstances very quickly and very comfortably, which isn’t the impression I got of Audrey from the opening paragraph. If I’m wrong, I want to know why — are her new foster parents super welcoming, like the Huxtables, or some other idyllic tv sitcom family? What’s the story with that?

With the next paragraph, I’m completely thrown for a curve. Zach is back, but Audrey avoids him, and that seems to be the end of it (although it very well may not be, to judge from the drama coming, but he is dropped from the query letter). She’s worried about her little sister, but you’d previously told me they were at separate foster homes — but they are still in contact? How’s that? What about her other sister(s)? I also didn’t get the impression that her mom being a hooker was something that Audrey “feared” becoming, and I’d have loved to see that before you bring it up here, though it seems to be there’s a lot more to the story than just the fear that she’d become a hooker like her mom — I don’t know, I just don’t buy it.

Ultimately, I think there’s a strong opening here, but you lose a potential reader with either possible red herrings or misdirects instead of staying with the core of the story. Readers, what do you think? How would you fix this?

As you may know, we’ve had quite a run of success with Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs, which has been on the New York Times bestseller list for 42 weeks and counting. And that kind of long term appreciation for a book is a rare gem. As a thank you from me to you, representing all of my readers, and all the readers of my clients’ wonderful, amazing titles, I’m giving away something big this time. Not just a couple of books I had in my office, not even a limited edition tote bag or flash drive (made especially for my clients as holiday gifts).

No, I wanted to do something bigger. Something that thanks you for your love of reading and rewards it. Shall I get to the point?

I’m giving away a brand new Kindle Touch.

Guys, *I* don’t even have one of these. I’ve got a first-generation Kindle, which is the 1970s Battlestar Galactica compared to the Kindle Touch’s shiny new reboot.

So what do you have to do to win? Actually, there are three different ways: first, leave a comment here. That gets you one entry. You can also check out my Page on Facebook and like me. Another entry. (What can I say? I crave your validation!) Or, you can tweet about the contest on Twitter, mentioning me, @DaphneUn, and linking to this post. That gets you a single entry as well. Want a better shot of winning? Do all three! (Maximum number of entries allowed is three, so please don’t spam your friends and Twitter followers, or think that multiple comments here will do the trick. One entry for each method of spreading the word!) I’ll randomly pick a winner from all the entries on Monday, April 9th.

And thanks. For everything you do that makes sitting here and blogging and crawling through the slush pile worth it. Thanks.

Basma, email me at daphne.unfeasible@gmail.com with your snail mail address, and I’ll get the galley right off to you!

Amazing. You will smile and sob and when you finish, you will walk away a better you. READ THIS BOOK NOW.

Then, from Kirkus:

An affecting look at the experience of one teen soldier’s experience on leave from Afghanistan.

Travis is trying hard to pretend everything is normal, but there’s nothing normal about this little chunk of life at his former home in Florida. His girlfriend is now sleeping with his little brother, a smug, self-interested bastard. His friends don’t understand why he can’t just slide back into his stupid pre-Afghanistan life. His mother worries nonstop. The only thing that’s normal is that his father, an ex–football player who bullied Travis mercilessly into playing the game, still seems to hate his guts. At least when he was with his unit, they all understood how their shared hellish experience has affected them. An unlikely encounter with Harper, a girl he humiliated in middle school, gives him a sense that, maybe, a normal life might be something he can shoot for. Travis’ present-tense narration puts readers directly into his uneasy psyche; he only gradually reveals to himself as well as readers the extent of the damage he has taken in the desert. If the growing relationship between Travis and Harper seems too good to last and the sudden stiffening of his mother’s spine unlikely, readers will be so invested in Travis’ poor, shattered soul they will forgive narrative convenience.

At its heart, this too-timely novel is purely honest.

And finally, a very nice review from the Horn Book’s upcoming May/June issue:

Travis Stephenson’s life has become a “quilt of horror,” a patchwork of nightmares, hallucinations, and flashbacks after just one year in Afghanistan. He had joined the Marines to escape his disapproving, belittling father, but now the war has followed Travis back home. His parents are splitting up, his girlfriend has dumped him for his brother Ryan, and he’ll always be a “disrespectful little punk” to his father. Doller’s debut novel effectively captures the haunted and hallucinatory feeling of a damaged soldier returning home, a nineteen-year-old who says he’s “having trouble even picturing a future with me in it.” Travis is a likable guide to his personal hell, and the characters in his orbit are well drawn and believable. His voice is strong, even when his belief in himself is not. When Travis reunites with Harper Gray, a girl who has hated him since he started an ugly rumor in middle school that ruined her reputation, he is drawn to her, “all green eyes and tousled hair,” and the tentative relationship that ensues may just ensure some kind of a new normal for Travis. Her support and shy love, including nudging him to see a therapist, may help Travis to feel a bit more whole and stop feeling like a “Travis Stephenson-shaped space that needs to be filled in.”

Trish and I are super excited to introduce Travis to the world this summer, but I’m thrilled to give one lucky reader and early opportunity to meet and fall in love with him.

Trish’s tumblr is filled with gorgeous photos of boys and girls, and couples she’s tagged “Together.” I’d love to help her add to it! Add a link in the comments to an image you think would fit well with the others on her blog, and I’ll pick one to receive a galley of Something Like Normal. Can’t wait to see what you come up with!

The Stonewall Award is “given annually to English-language children’s and young adult books of exceptional merit relating to the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender experience”, and we’re thrilled that they included Pink on the Honor list. For the complete list of winners, check out the ALA’s press release.

In other news, congrats to Maureen Johnson, whose The Name of the Star was nominated for an Edgar Award for Young Adult. Woot!

And finally, Matthew Cody picked a winner for the signed copy of The Dead Gentleman I’m giving away. And the winner is… @theoriginaledi! Edi, send me an email with your mailing address, and I’ll get Matt to sign a copy for you! Add a comment below if you’d like any specific personalized message.

Congrats to ALL the winners!

Two young New Yorkers from different eras unite to save the world from an invasion of zombies led by an elegant, corpse-wearing darkling. Shuttling among worlds, times, and points of view, Cody chronicles the recruitment of Tommy, a street urchin from 1901, into a wormhole-traveling Explorer’s Society menaced by the powerful and mysterious Dead Gentleman. Guided by a device that can peer through time, Tommy contacts 12-year-old Jezebel a century into his future and tasks her with protecting an enigmatic clockwork bird that holds the key to the Gentleman’s ability to conquer our planet. Despite all the quick changes and fortuitous coincidences, readers will enjoy watching the two quarreling protagonists take on zombies and other creepy-crawlies on the way to a fiery, if inconclusive, air battle over the Hudson River. Chucking in elements of steampunk, Jules Verne, and Edgar Rice Burroughs along with vampires, three-armed aliens, inscrutable monks, closet monsters, and even dinosaurs, Cody pays tribute to classic adventure authors and genres here as he dishes up an exciting time-travel tale.

I’d love to share a personally autographed copy of The Dead Gentleman with one of you. For a chance to win, just leave a comment below with a brief description of where you would go if you could travel anywhere in time (past, present, or future) or space (alternate worlds, ahoy!). I’ll pick one winner on Monday after I return from ALA Midwinter.

EDITED TO ADD: As per his comment below, Matt’s upped the stakes and offered to sign the winner’s copy!

Congratulations to Kate Baker, Annie Curtis, Agnes, Penelope Lolohea, Nicky Ball, Jamie Handling, Sandi Jones, Mary Brebner, and Trish. Please email me with your address and I’ll pair you with one of the fabulous donors who’ve come forward since I started this thing last week.

As for MY box of books (contents pictures above), I’m delighted to send them to Stephanie W. Stephanie commented:

I am a librarian in Louisiana and the head of Young Adult Services. In the past year, we won a Great Stories CLUB grant from ALA to start a reading program at our local detention center, Green Oaks. The program was extremely successful but after it ended, we no longer had the funding to continue the same program. We’ve made do and continued to visit but as a result of our work, their reading skills are improving and the school time incorporates free read. We were able to get low level readers but they need real books and a challenge. As another result, the board at the detention center has agreed to let us have a spare room and start their first library. I would love to have the books as a starter collection for these teens. I love them so much and they are wonderful kids who are desperate for someone to care. Thanks!

I love the idea of these books going to start a library. If I do nothing else good with my life, and my love of books, at least I’ve done this. Stephanie, please email me with your address so I can get these books out to you!

I wish I had enough books to send to every single one of you who commented and entered! If you happen to know of any other charities that pair donated books with people who need them, won’t you let us know in the comments? Someone mentioned ARCs Float On, which looks like a great matching system. Are there others?

So, please, if you need a box of books, leave a comment on yesterday’s post. And thanks again to all those who have promised to help out, including:

• Jennifer Laughran
• Barry Goldblatt
• Shana Cohen
• Robin Wasserman
• Mandy Hubbard
• Lisa McMann
• Holly Root
• My kt literary clients
• My subagent, Rebecca Mancini

If I missed anyone who offered another box, send me a note on Twitter or leave a comment on this post. I’ll go through all the comments on Monday and start matching donors with donees. (Donees? That doesn’t look right. What are people who receive donations called?)

And thanks again. To everyone!

So, in an effort to make some space, and save my existing shelves, I’m reorganizing, and hoping to find new homes for some well-loved books.

And that’s where you come in! Are you a teen librarian looking to expand your collection? A teacher hoping to interest her classroom in some popular YA? Let me know! Tell me why you want this box of books, which includes a selection from my own clients as well as some titles from my own personal collection. I’ll pick one winner next week for the whole lot, so feel free to wow me with your entry. Videos, pictures, haiku, limericks — all are welcome!

UPDATE: You guys are killing me with these stories. I want to send boxes of books to ALL of you, but I don’t have enough. Luckily, Jennifer Laughran, Barry Goldblatt and Robin Wasserman are stepping in with contributions as well, so we’ll be awarding FOUR boxes, at least!

EVEN MORE UPDATE: And Mandy Hubbard! And Lisa McMann!

The fine print: the winners, to be picked at my sole discretion, will each receive a single box of books, not to be resold, for private use only. All decisions are final. No bribes will be accepted. All sound reasons for receiving said box will be weighed equally. I like you. You’re nifty.

A clever, scary, little-bit-sexy beginning to a series that takes Louisiana teen Rory to London.

Rory’s parents are teaching for a year at the University of Bristol, so she gets to spend senior year at Wexford, a London boarding school. She recounts her story, from mining her colorful relatives for stories to wow her English classmates, coming to grips with heavier course loads and making a couple of fairly adorable friends. But London is soon caught up in fear, as a copycat killer has begun recreating Jack the Ripper’s bloody murders in gruesome detail. Johnson fearlessly takes readers from what seems like a cool innocent-abroad-with-iPod story to supernatural thriller, when Rory sees a man no one else does on campus the night of one of those murders. Enter a trio of young folks who are ghost hunters of a very specific sort. The tension ramps up exquisitely among cups of tea, library visits and the London Underground. The explosive ending is genuinely terrifying but never loses the wit, verve and humor that Rory carries with her throughout. While this tale does conclude, it does so with a complicated revelation that will have readers madly eager for the next installment.

Nice touches about friendship, kissing, research and the way a boy’s curls might touch his collar fully integrate with a clear-eyed look at a pitiless killer.

And have you seen the official trailer for The Name of the Star? Check it out!

And speaking of MJ’s new book, I promised a galley to one of the many fabulous commenters on my post last week, didn’t I? Let’s see who random.org thinks should win it… Congrats, Rebecca Enzor! Rebecca, email me with your mailing address, and I’ll send you your galley!

Speaking of contests, do stop by Kiki’s site for a chance to win The Faerie Ring as well as two other September releases, including Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Friend of the Blog and all-around fabulous person Laini Taylor. This one is tops on my TBR pile, for certain!