Ask Daphne! About My Query LXXV

circuit-board-shoesNot sure you’d be super comfortable wearing these shoes made from circuit boards, but you’d certainly be high tech! And with that, let’s move right to today’s query:

Dear Ms. Unfeasible:

The 2046 International Biomedia Conference is the most celebrated event for high school students on the planet. But when Seth receives an invitation to attend, the last thing he wants to do is celebrate.

Seth hates biomedia, especially his Wingtooth, the tooth-shaped implant that links his brainwaves to the Stream. He’s never found much use for a b-Camera that takes pictures with his eyes or a b-Player that blasts its music straight into his brain. But the Wingtooth is the symbol of the wealthy class, so his parents won’t let him take his out, although he unclicks it often. And they won’t let him not go to the conference, since they’re less concerned about his comfort than they are about his chance to meet Marvin Hermes, the industry’s reclusive founder.

Not ten minutes off the shuttle, Seth introduces himself to the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen by accidentally dumping his breakfast on her. Worse, the girl is Toothless, part of the recession-ravaged class unable to afford Wingteeth, and probably took the dumping as an insult. Little does Seth know that wearing his breakfast on her sleeve is the least of Adair’s concerns.

Ever since her mother died in an overcrowded Wingtooth factory, Adair and her father have been masterminding a Toothless takeover. Their plan is simple: Shut down the Stream, assassinate Marvin Hermes, and make the whole thing look like an accident. Then install one of the Toothless as chairman of the board. But their plan takes a complicated turn when Adair doesn’t go through with the assassination—and when shutting down the Stream leaves the city’s Wingtoothers unable to think or even eat for themselves.

Now Seth and Adair are the Wingtoothers’ last hope. But how can they stand up for anyone when they don’t know what they stand for themselves?

WHOSE TEETH ARE AS SWORDS is a 69,000-word YA dystopian. I’ve appreciated your query advice and that of your readers in the past, and I’d love to get your and their feedback on this one.

I am a BYU graduate, a stay-at-home mom, and a blogger.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Respectfully,
Krista V.

This is definitely intriguing! Great world-building — a little long, maybe, but you do a good job introducing both major characters and a very technical set-up.

Honestly, maybe I am getting a little burned out on queries, but I can’t think of anything I would about this that isn’t “Please send me your first five chapters”!

Readers, what advice do you have for Krista?

And speaking of advice… I’m going to be interspersing my Friday About My Query posts with more general Ask Daphne posts, so please, send me your publishing questions for future posting! Thanks!!

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