Ask Daphne! About My Query LI

IMG_1041The image here is a giant shoe I saw in real life, in London, above the marquee at the theatre showing the stage version of “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.” Therefore, it is awesome. And no, it doesn’t have anything to do with today’s query. And speaking of today’s query:

Dear Ms. Testerman,

Seventeen-year-old Channing Russo flinches at the simple touch of another person. Every day something as common as brushing shoulders with a friend in the hallway could land Channing in the midst of someone’s future make-out session; something she’d rather not witness. Other visions are worse.

When Channing runs head on into a girl, she sees a vision of her being brutally murdered by a serial killer. Channing knows she has to do something, but what? Telling people she can see into the future is sure to label her as the town crazy. Instead, she takes things into her own hands against the better judgment of Reed Thatcher, the first and only person she feels comfortable revealing her abilities to.

Chasing down a murderer, dealing with the isolation her visions bring her, and coming to terms with her feelings for Reed, all leave Channing wishing she were a normal teenage girl. But she’s not, and when her visions begin bleeding into her reality, she’s unaware that the killer is now hot on her trail.

Too bad Channing’s visions never showed her alone, gagged, and shackled to a cold, metal table.

CHANCE is a young adult paranormal fantasy, complete at 65,000 words. I’m an active member of DFW Writer’s Workshop and YALitChat. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.

T.N.

There’s a lot here I like. We get a sense of what Channing’s life is like normally, then see how something she couldn’t plan for is the inciting incident of the plot. There’s danger, adventure, romance… all good. But (you knew there had to be a “but”, right?) Why is it that brushing shoulders with someone “could” give Channign a vision? What’s the trigger between having a vision and not? Does she know? It’s fine if she doesn’t, but I think that’s something you could perhaps allude to in the query.

I’d also really like to know more about Reed and the unnamed girl whose murder Channing sees. Is she involved in Channing’s actions of taking “things into her own hands”? Who is Reed? Right now, he’s no one but a name. Why does Channing feel comfortable telling him about her ability?

I’m also a little confused about “her visions begin bleeding into her reality”. What does that look like? Feel like?

Now, I always try to ask a lot of questions when I post a query, but the truth is, I rarely get into this much detail when I’m looking at a query for consideration. If the query for CHANCE came across my desk as is, would I read on? Yes. I’d want to check out the opening pages to see the writing. The plot feels a little like something I’ve seen before, so I’m not automatically asking for chapters, but it’s a strong query.

What do you guys think?

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