I will note, however, that for all of our comments that "X is too old" and "Y is too short" and "Z is too long", these are, in the long term, guidelines. Can you find a book about a 22-year-old in YA? Probably, somewhere. Can a really short book find success? Or a very long query?

Yes, it can happen. But guidelines are helpful because they let agents and readers set expectations. And while you can — and some very successful writers do — go around our expectations all the time, it's not easy.

Is writing supposed to be easy? No. But allowing some structure helps make things easier.

So thanks to everyone for your advice and helpful comments. And in particular to Lisa and Shawna who gave links and other sources to check to advice on queries — although I hope the last 38 query reviews have also provided some help to author wishing to finesse and perfect their queries.

Cheers!

My only input besides what others have pointed out, I have heard that a query should be 250 words MAX! First para should be a hook, second a description, third a little about yourself.

If you want to find an amazing website that can lead you to a great query, go to Agentquery.com

Good luck to you!

I hope this is of benefit to you. Keep swinging at it and you'll get there.

Lisa

I "currently" am taking English and Journalism classes at Community College of Allegheny County and "currently" working at local news station writing news stories. I am "currently" working on the second book on the series I hope to complete.

You can simplify your credits by saying:

I am enrolled in English and Journalism classes at Community College of Allegheny County and write stories for our local news.

Also, don't say you are working on the second book in the series. Don't even be working on it. If this one doesn't sell what are you going to do? Your efforts would be better employed by writing a new story. That you can say in your query because it lets the agent know you're not a one book wonder.

Don't give up!

Oh and I was going to mention it earlier, but my kids were getting restless with me being on the computer. Publisher Marketplace uses the term Debut Fiction, but I have no idea what that means or if it's a real genre. I'm thinking it isn't, but what do I know? I rarely go beyond the YA section of the bookstore, unless I'm looking for my kids in the children's section.

If you really are set on writing novellas, make sure you've done the research (such as on Absolute Write). Kate can answer this, but I don't think most agents represent them. So I'm wondering if this is supposed to be a query to an editor. Once you've done the research, you'll know the correct individuals to query. It'll save you tons of time in the end.

Good luck with everything.

Chris it is incredibly brave to post your query out here for everyone to see and critique- especially since it was on the fly when Kate asked for one on Twitter.

I hope this doesn't discourage you from writing. Everything you write helps you improve. When people critique, even though it can hurt, know they do it because they want you to get better and think you can.

We are all learning the craft of writing and trying to get better.

Keep writing!

Yes, 22 is way too old for YA. Makes question if you've even read many YA novels. Eighteen tends to be the maxium age for the genre (with a few exceptions). The other problem I have is that I don't care about the character enough to want to read about him. But that's probably just me. I'm not into womanizing characters. Oh, by the way, that title doesn't seem right for YA. It makes him sound like he's sleeping around with much older women.

Eveyone has pointed out the problem about the word count. My concern is that it's too short for you to develop the characterization enough to support your story. Is the thing done entirely as a diary? I prefer books that are a combination of diary and non diary so the characters are fully developed. For example, 13 Reasons Why (Jay Asher) and Saving Zoe (Alyson Noel) are great examples. The first one uses tapes not a diary, but you'll get the idea of what I mean. Plus it's a brilliant book.

Good luck with it.

Good luck with it.

The grammatical errors jumped straight off the page for me. You've got to proof read otherwise you are setting yourself up for an instant rejection. Give yourself a chance!

You don't need to cram the entire plot into the query. You just need to intrigue the agent- make them want to read your book. Think 'back of the book pitch.'

I've never seen a 15,000 word YA novel. I don't know if there is a market for something that short- and more importantly I'm not sure if you can have emotionally engaging characters and a fully developed story in that much space. (Yes, I know there are some excellent novels- I'm simply suggesting that it often takes more than 15,000 words to write a story- 15,000 words is the length of a dissertation not a novel…in my head anyway.)

I wish you the best of luck. And I think that with some clever rewriting you can make this sound engaging- while I think there are many stories about men who go wild, I think that the diary form of your novel could be interesting. But, if you want to convince an agent that you have a unique voice you need a tight query that reflects your protagonist's voice.