Jade, you're probably right to leave the "spooks" term alone until it becomes a problem, if it even is one. It definitely wouldn't be a deal-breaker, IMO. They'd just suggest you change it to some other term.

It sounds like you have a great attitude about tweaking the query!

J

Yes the loop-hole about Stella being able to just make the Screams not exist is dealt with in the story. I'm glad you guys pointed that out and I think I'll look at tweaking the query accordingly so others don't think the same thing.

Susan–I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as a stupid question. The magical drug-mule line was just a reference to the fact that Stella was used like a drug-mule would be, i.e. to smuggle something out of the country, except instead of drugs she smuggled out a magical power. I could have said she was used like a magical-mule but I don't think people would have got that.

I'm really unsure about the whole Spooks thing. Part of me thinks I should just change the name but the name has been ingrained in my head. The other half thinks I should just leave it as is and in the off chance it gets published I can look to changing then if need be. If anyone has any more thoughts on the issue feel free to shout them at me.

Thanks again for all your suggestions and positive feedback, you have no idea how much I appreciate it!

J

I also live in NC and "spooks" only gave me pause for a second. It's just not a word we use much. Definitely, it's a synonym for ghosts, but I think you'd only use it if you happen to be writing lyrics to some sort of children's Halloween song. Otherwise, I do think of it in the spy sense and only really thought of it as a racial slur for half a sec. (And can I stand up for my region here and say that I've never actually heard anyone use that term as a racial slur except in the movies? "Back to the Future," specifically.)

I feel exceedingly dumb here, but what is a magical drug-mule and why is Stella being used as one? Is the mule magical or are the drugs? Am I just not hip enough to understand what's going on? I thought she was sent back to Australia with a magical power, but is she being used to smuggle drugs or something? I feel like somebody's uncool Mom asking, but I'm just not getting the reference.

Lastly, like Adam above, I wondered why Stella has to worry about the Screams because couldn't she just write them away? I'm sure you've set up some sort of rules for her power and maybe they don't need to be explained in the query, but I thought I'd let you know, that bit about "has to keep an eye out for Screams" made me want to argue back.

Best of luck with it!

I'm sure this hole is handled in the novel. For the query, it might be as simple as changing "the ability to make something come true" to "the ability to make almost anything come true".

That said, I think the voice is strong, I love the magical drug-mule line, and I first thought of CIA when I read Spooks too. But better safe than sorry.

Thanks for all the comments. The trimming of the fat will commence once the hell that is NaNo is over!

You've got a good voice in your query. I do think it could be trimmed. I wrote cover copy for my novel and then added a couple sentences just to give a little more detail. If you want to take a look at it it's posted on my blog on the page labeled Placement.

Good luck!