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Ask Daphne! About My Query X

lame1920sSweet vintage 1920s gold lame shoes for C.D., our next About My Query participant. I don’t need to go over the rules again, do I? Let’s just remember to be nice and helpful, and get right to it!

Dear Ms. Unfeasible,

I am seeking representation for JAZZ BABY, a fast-paced story of speakeasies, Prohibition agents, mobsters and most importantly love in the Roaring 20’s. JAZZ BABY is an historical romance, complete at 76,000 words.

Running herd on the family speakeasy and her alcoholic brother, Kate Kirkland has everything under control. What she doesn’t have is time for smooth talking Micah Trent, her rumrunner. An undercover Prohibition agent, he hesitates at busting the fiery woman’s juice joint and can’t figure out why. When a local gangster attempts a takeover of the speakeasy, Kate and Micah work together to protect it.

Under my pseudonym, Lorelie Brown, my novella TARNISHED ANGEL was featured at www.DionneGalace.com, as the March-April 2008 selection for The Serial. I am a member of Romance Writers of America, and have been a member of the Online Romance Writers Circle since its inception.

Thank you greatly for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
C.D.

Thanks for sharing this, C.D. There’s some great period language — juice joint, rumrunner — but I want to get more of the story, of what makes this unique. The key words in the hook line are repeated in almost the exact same order in the next paragraph — what else can you tell me about? Reading it now, it feels like a category historical romance to me, quickly read and quickly forgotten. I don’t want to forget stories I’ve read, so really hook me with more about Kate (great name!) and Micah.

You have a nice credit to your name, but not such a big one that I wonder if there’s some reason you’re not telling about why you haven’t been represented in the past. (It’s not a common concern, but it does happen sometimes.)

This basically just feels a little slight to me — maybe that works in the category romance world, but in my search for standalone women’s fiction, I want more.

What do you guys think?

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