The Worst Queries Finalists!

April 24th, 2009 • Kate

thumb_bandgeekedout1I’m all about sharing the love here, so I hope you’ll help me pick out the winners of my very first “worst queries” contest. Remember, the winner gets a copy of Band Geeked Out by Josie Bloss. Before I list my favorites, though, an interesting note. I found that the your ideas of the “worst” queries came in two main categories — poorly written, in the “I can haz book deal plskthx” mode and poorly imagined, as in a book idea that is in some way horrible. Both types of queries had some real winners (or do I mean losers?). But in the end, there can be only… uh, three.

The finalists!

-Sunna, for her query “The Masterpiece”,
-Peggy, who sent “Wuthering Jane” in just under the wire,
-and Clienti Favori for the soon-to-be-classic “Fictional Novel: A Fictional Novel”

Those are my picks, at least. Leave a note in the comments with your pick of the best out of those three. But! Because I’m feeling generous on this lovely Friday, you can also write in an additional pick. The write-in vote with the most comments (and voting for yourself multiple times doesn’t count!) will ALSO get a copy of Band Geeked Out.

I’ll announce the winners on Monday. Get to voting!

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31 Responses to “The Worst Queries Finalists!”

  1. Nicole Says:

    I vote for Clienti Favori, “Fictional Novel: A Fictional Novel”.

    I'd also like to cast a write-in vote for Megan, "Harry Potter 8: Huddlepuff's Revenge".

  2. Georgiana Says:

    Wuthering Jane gets my vote. It's so bad it almost makes me want to read it.

    There were some hilarious entries. Well done all.

  3. Amy Says:

    Soooo voting for Fictional Novel: A Fictional Novel.

  4. Cian Says:

    Here's a vote for "The Masterpiece" which made me snort hot tea out of my nose. Thank God I wasn't eating the scone or I'd be picking raisins out of my nostrils.

  5. Jenna Says:

    I have to vote for Fictional Novel: A Fictional Novel…

  6. Kelly R Says:

    I vote for the Masterpiece!

  7. Jeannie Says:

    “Fictional Novel: A Fictional Novel” is by far the best or worst, however you are announcing it. ๐Ÿ˜›

  8. Carrie Harris Says:

    Fictional Novel is my fave. I also liked Georgiana's Better Than the Cullens.

  9. Ginny Says:

    I loved all three, but I have to cast my vote for Clienti Favori.

    Thanks for the laugh!

  10. Tim White Says:

    I must reiterate my vote for the query-chain-letter from heck, 'The Masterpiece'!

  11. Sarah Olson Says:

    Fictional Novel: A Fictional Novel. Pure awesomeness!

  12. Julia Says:

    Fictional novel: A Fictional Novel gets my vote

  13. Megan Says:

    My vote is for “Fictional Novel: A Fictional Novel.” That was hilarious! You have to be really talented to write something that bad. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  14. sally apokedak Says:

    Oh man! All three are hysterical, but I think I have to for that upbeat novel, Wuthering Jane.

  15. Rebecca (Fie Eoin) Says:

    I'm voting for Wuthering Jane, because it made me laugh the hardest. The other two made me laugh as well, but I like the idea of a pole-dancing Mother Theresa.

  16. Jamie Harrington Says:

    loved me some wuthering jane!

  17. Billy Shears Says:

    Wuthering Jane, please!

  18. AudryT Says:

    Less is less with "The Masterpiece" — which gets my vote for the best of the worst!

  19. Jenny Stephens Says:

    I love Fictional Novel: A Fictional Novel! It's hilarious! Best worst query ever:)

  20. Ellen Smyth Says:

    Another Wuthering Jane!

  21. (Bizarrely another) Says:

    Wuthering Jane was hilarious and gets my vote. The writer obviously has a wonderful sense of humour and clearly loves writing.

  22. Lily Says:

    Gotta cast my vote for Wuthering Jane. Brilliantly painful! Well done, everybody.

  23. A.L. Sonnichsen Says:

    I personally loved Tim White's Civil Disobedience with Bombs, so that's my write-in vote. ๐Ÿ™‚ Sunna has a great voice for her query, so I think she has my vote from the three finalists.

    Thanks for doing this, Daphne. I love these kinds of contests because they keep the querying process fun.

  24. Leanne Says:

    Wuthering Jane is a "must read" for all who want to bloom and grow as ever-evolving human beings! This is the one.

  25. Joyce Says:

    I am with Leanne on the evolution of the chick lit. Perhaps Wuthering Jane can open the minds of pole-dancers everywhere. Great write up!

  26. Lawrence Scariano, M Says:



    I'm not sure I can vote. Some of those have to be faked; either that or I'm feeling much better about my writing right now.

    P.S. I was doing kid's soccer games in Highlands Ranch this morning; what is it with the weekends here?

  27. Kate Says:

    Lawrence –

    Sorry for the confusion. As I stated in my original post, I asked my readers to try and come up with the worst possible query they could. They're ALL faked.


  28. mel Says:

    Close call, three great entries there, but Fictional Novel is my favorite.

  29. Kathy Says:


    Where on your website can I read the worst queries entries? I couldn't find them by reading previous posts.

    Can you put a search feature on your website?

  30. Kate Says:

    Kathy –

    The entries are all in the comments on my post "Also About Queries." The links in this entry take you to the finalists, and you can easily scan up and down to read the rest of the entries.

    Also, there's a search bar on the top of every page.


  31. Back Off I Have a Baton | Says:

    […] Out to whomever could write the worst query letter.ย  The contest is over, but you can see the finalists right here and boy howdy they are hilariously bad.ย  Check it out! | SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: “Back Off […]